Maintaining a marriage is hard work and newlyweds are often unprepared for what is to come. When you first get married it feels like love will take you all the way. It will, but you need to work at it to go the distance. A lot of the passion that you feel in the early years will fade and you can sometimes be left wondering if things will last. That doesn’t mean you don’t love each other anymore, you just need some reminding from time to time. If neither of you is making an effort you can easily get into a bit of a rut. It’s not the end of the world if this happens and you can come back from it. Here are some things you can try to reignite the spark in your marriage.
Intimacy
One of the first things to suffer in a marriage is your sex life. You aren’t in your twenties anymore and that’s fine. Don’t feel pressured to be as active as you were when you first met, but if it’s gone completely, that is a worry. It can be hard to find the time when you’ve got a family but if you make the effort it is possible.
Sex isn’t the only way that you can be intimate. Simple things like hugging and holding hands can maintain that strong feeling between the two of you. Otherwise, you risk ending up like two friends that live together rather than a married couple. It’s also important to tell your partner that you love them on a regular basis. If things are getting a bit stale then they might start to doubt it. Reaffirming it will help them to relax and improve the situation for both of you.
Surprise Gifts
Showing them that you still think about them is an important way to keep things alive between you. Surprising them with a gift out of the blue shows that you have gone out of your way to make them happy. Put some thought into it to make it extra special. The best gifts for men are not things that they can use or wear, that won’t get them excited. Instead, why not buy them the gift of a day out somewhere that they will enjoy, like a golfing retreat or a driving experience. If it is something that you can do together that’s a bonus because it gives you the chance to spend some quality time together.
When you’re trying to get a gift for your wife, whatever you do, don’t get flowers. Even though they might like them, it’s a bit of a copout and it doesn’t show that you’ve put a lot of thought into something that will make them happy.
Break Your Routine
The reason that marriages hit a brick wall is often that you get yourself into a routine. It’s so easy to do when you work all day then get home and sort out the kids. By the time they are in bed, you’re exhausted and you don’t feel like doing much else but watching TV. Sitting on the sofa day in, day out can make life feel boring. What you need to remember is that it isn’t your spouse that’s making things boring, it’s just the situation that you are in. People are too quick to say that this is the end of their marriage when they are just in a rough patch. Breaking the routine during the week is difficult because of time constraints but you can still try switching the TV off and doing something a bit more social. Playing board games or cards is a good way to spend time together without just sitting in silence.
The best time to break your routine is at the weekend. When you have the time use it wisely. Go away for the weekend and do something fun, it doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive, as long as it is different. It’ll give you something to look forward to, rather than just feeling like next week will be the same as last week and that cycle will go on forever.
Don’t Prioritise Your Job
A heavy workload can also put a massive strain on a marriage. When work takes over you have a lot less time to spend together. This situation can creep up on you and before you know it, you and your spouse are almost strangers. What you need to ask yourself is, would you rather lose your job or your partner? Your job isn’t the most important thing in the world so if it is putting a strain on your marriage, consider looking for something else that will give you a bit more time to devote to your husband or wife.
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