Going through a divorce is never an easy time in anyone’s life, whether it is an uncontested divorce or a messy one. The realisation that a union you once believed would last forever will not in fact last forever is a painful and emotional experience for anyone to go through. When there are children involved, not only do you have to navigate your own feelings during this emotional and stressful time, but you also have to navigate the feelings of your children. This can make the situation feel even more worrying.
It is natural for all parents to want the best for their children, and they certainly should. If you are able to prioritise your children’s needs over your own, you will be able to get through this transition with as little discomfort as possible, and you will also be able to ensure that your children are not unduly worried or upset as a result of it.
Talk about it.
When it comes to issues involving children, it is common practise to brush them under the rug and ignore them. Historically, such mature topics have been kept quiet in front of young ears, and this secrecy can do massive amounts of damage to the emotional state of a child if it is not broken. Keeping the lines of communication open with your child on a level that they can understand will help you support your child through this time and ensure that their best interests are kept in mind. While you do not need to be as completely honest and open as you would be with another adult, you do need to be as honest and open.
Express your feelings.
Everyone going through the process of divorcing experiences a range of intense feelings. Children will not only pick up on how you are feeling but will also have their own feelings and reactions to how you are feeling. This can have both positive and negative effects. Giving them the opportunity to discuss their emotions in an open and honest manner, as well as assuring them that they are still loved and that their feelings are acceptable, will assist them in finding some solace in the manner in which they cope with the tremendous amount of stress that they are experiencing. Cutting them off and removing them from the circumstance in which they are involved will not solve the problem; rather, it will deepen the rift and bring in feelings that are negative and hurtful.
Set the standard.
In the midst of a contentious divorce, it is not uncommon to feel disoriented. There are some marriages that simply cannot be saved, and as a result, the process of dissolving the marriage can be contentious, drawn-out, and drawn-out. There is no way to completely shield your child from the effects of this circumstance, particularly if you require the assistance of a family law court operation in order to devise access plans and determine visitation rights.
You should lead by example and show your child how you would like them to behave. Demonstrate to them how you are handling this situation in an adult manner to the best of your ability, and steer clear of it-for-it fights, which will only serve to make everyone involved look bad and do more harm.
Remember that your child is not getting divorced
If your children are going to continue to have full visitation with both of their parents after the divorce, then you need to keep in mind that regardless of how you feel about your ex-spouse, they are still going to have a loving parent-child relationship with both of their parents. They should not be made to believe that the problems in the marriage were their fault, nor should they be made to feel guilty for desiring to have a healthy relationship with both of their parents. The problems in the marriage were not their fault. Your willingness to put aside your own feelings and prioritise what is best for your child will not only assist your child in making the most positive adjustment possible, but it will also help you create a loving family unit that will look and function differently going forward.
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