A break-up can be one of the most emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting things that can happen to a person. Some happen quickly and with ease, and then there are some that a long, drawn-out, and painful. The ending of a relationship can feel like a loss, and also a new beginning.
There are some things that will make it more challenging to manage, like when there are children, mortgages, and other people involved. However, there are some great tips that can help you navigate a break-up in a healthy way for you.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Therapy
People can often underestimate how much they want to talk about what is going on. And, it is often more comfortable to talk to a totally impartial party. The issue with speaking to friends and family is that they will all have an opinion on what is going on, who is at fault, and what you should do next. A therapist will give you the space to work through the problems and talk about them in a judgment-free zone.
There are many different types of therapy, and in fact, you can do it online if you aren’t up to speaking to someone in person.
Distraction
If you find that you are dwelling on the situation in an unhealthy way, it might be time to get some distraction methods in place. While it is very healthy for you to think about what is going on, and work through the issues and the impact that it has. There is a period where it might turn into rumination. And that can be a very difficult cycle to break once you head down that path.
This isn’t about blocking your feelings or trying not to think about things, but rather creating some safe spaces for you not to have to dwell on it. Netflix, Amazon, and other streaming services with boxsets are great options for this.
Talk
If you are in the space where you and your partner are still able to have amicable conversation try to talk about what is going on. It would be best if you were careful that you don’t fall into the trap of repeatedly asking them to come home, or fix things. Because that might make it more difficult. But, you might be able to talk about how to manage the house, child custody, and any other important items. Of course, not every break-up is amicable, and it can often be better to skip trying to talk to them and let your lawyer deal with it on behalf of you.
Walking
There are going to be days where you might not even want to open the curtains. However, you should make sure that you walk at least once a day. It might be a short walk around the block or a long wander into the woods. Whatever it is, make time for it. When you are walking, you naturally feel like you are moving forward, even if that is just in that very moment.
Going for a walk is also a great way to let your mind take a break and work through things in the background.
Creative Pursuits
The loss of a relationship often comes with a gain of time. And you can do whatever you like with it now. Many of us end up ditching our creative pursuits when we are taking care of other people and our children. However, that extra time in the evening – once you move beyond distraction, you might be ready for some personal development. Hobbies and creative pursuits inherently make us happy. So you should spend some time working out what you love to do.
Try a few different things before you pick one, and you know what – you don’t even need to pick just one!
Mindfulness
The word mindfulness is starting to lose much of its meaning. That doesn’t mean that it won’t be one of your most powerful tools. It might take some time before you get used to how mindfulness works and the peace it can bring you.
When we are going through a break-up, we will very often keep going over the past. Conversations, actions, things that hurt us, things we did to hurt others. And the problem with holding on to that is that you are focusing on the past so heavily. You might not be putting the right emphasis on your present or future. Typically you will start to breathe and consider how it feels just to do that for a moment. There are a few phone apps, like Calm and Headspace, that do guided meditation sessions. If you prefer to try it out alone, then you can get great books on mindfulness too.
Feel
It is very common for people who are going through a break-up to act like they aren’t impacted at all. That it doesn’t bother them. Going out with friends, smiling, and getting on with life. While it can be a great way to shake out some frustration, it can act as a stopper while you bottle up your emotions. It would help if you let yourself feel and accept it when it happens. There will be periods of grief, loss, upset, anger, and happiness too. All of the feelings you have to do with the break-up are typically healthy, and you should allow yourself the room to feel them.
Impulsive Behaviour
When things shake our world, there is an urge to act out impulsively. The shock can impact us in ways that we weren’t expecting. This might manifest in things like dialing and hanging up, texting inappropriate things, or meeting a new partner very quickly. Try to push away the urges to act out and instead just let yourself think, feel, breathe, and deal with it.
Work On You
This isn’t because you aren’t great already, but when life changes around us, it is great to look at ways that we can improve ourselves. You can break out of the ruts that you weren’t happy with, and assess how you want to move forward.
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