Life can’t always be a bunch of roses. Sometimes, we just have to deal with the tough issues that come our way. And it’s not just us as individuals that need to handle life’s trials and tribulations: they affect everyone, and that includes your friends and family. Given the current rates of divorce, it’s likely that at some stage you’ll have at least one close friend separate from their partner; and if you’re in your late thirties and forties, then there might be multiple friends going through the same issue. Below, we take a look at how you can be a true friend by helping those closest to you through what will be one of the hardest challenges of their life.
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Be a Presence
We know that you’ve got your own busy life to attend to, and that’s not always possible to be there for a friend in need. However, it’s worthwhile making a little extra effort when your friend is going through a divorce. It’s nearly always possible to clear a bit of space in the schedule if you try hard enough, so make time for your friend. They’ll appreciate you being there for them, and more than that, you’ll feel a lot happier with your actions if in the future you’re able to look back and say “I was there for them.”
Invite to Social Events
Your friend had an entire life with their partner. A house, a routine, maybe a family; that’s a lot to give up in a short amount of time. You won’t be able to help with most of the things that have been lost, but there is one area you can help: social events. In the aftermath of a divorce, people are always trying to replace the social occasions they’ve lost. You can help them out by keeping them in mind when it comes to being socially active. Invite them along; it might just do wonders for their self-confidence.
Build Them Up
And talking of confidence, how about injecting them with a touch of self-esteem? It’s natural that they’re going to feel low about themselves. They might be worried about their looks, or that they’re boring, or that their life is over and that the future looks bleak. This, of course, will be all nonsense, they just can’t see it yet! Make sure they’re not falling into a spiral of negative thinking by continually reminding me just how great they are.
Help Them With Logistics
It’s not just a person’s self-worth, or a crisis of identity, which accompanies a divorce. There’s also a long list of logistical issues that need to be taken care of too. They’ll need help finding a lawyer to handle their divorce, so point them in the direction of highly rated firms, such as Blake & Schanbacher Law LLC. You can also help them by being involved in the moving process, going with them to look at suitable properties, and helping them move their belongings (if they’re the ones moving out). They won’t be able to handle all of these tasks by themselves, especially if they’re crestfallen, so they’ll really appreciate your help.
Learn to Listen
You may have plenty of advice to give when it comes to your how your friend should move forward. You may have a lot to say about the causes of the breakup, and the mistakes they made. But remember, this isn’t about what you think or feel: it’s about your friend. Instead of using this is a platform for you to dole out advice, simply just be there for them by listening. If they ask for your advice then, sure, give it to them – but as a default set your position to ‘listener, not talker.’
Plan a Trip
If you’ve ever been through a tough period in your life, then you’ll know that there’s nothing worse than…being surrounded by things that remind you of everything that you’ve lost. It’s always good to get away, and this is especially true when it comes to a post-divorce life, so why not plan a trip for you and your friend? It doesn’t really matter where you go, as long as it’s a world away from their current predicament, and you’re ready to have fun. It’ll show them that there’s more to life than their current position, and bonus: you’ll get to have fun, too.
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Cupid’s Arrow
Now, it’s obvious than in the immediate aftermath of a divorce; your friend isn’t going to be looking for a new romantic interest. But that won’t be true forever; eventually, they’ll get up off the mat, and back onto the horse. Enter: you! No, we’re not suggesting that you become romantically involved with your friend…we’re suggesting that you keep an eye out for appropriate suitors, and when the time is right, play matchmaker.
Accept Their Breakdowns
Your friend will get used to putting on a brave face, and for the most part, they’ll be enjoyable people to be around. However, no-one is a superhero: there’s going to be times when everything becomes a little too much, and they just need to break down. When this happens, don’t try to pull them out of their distress straight away: let them have their moment. It’s only when they’re breaking too much that you need to be concerned!
Find a hobby
Your friend will be looking for signs that they’ll be able to exist in their post-divorce world and be happy. They’ll be looking for adventure, and hoping to find inspiration. You can help them do this by trying new things with them, such as taking up a new hobby. You’ll both really enjoy it, it’ll get your friend out of the house, and you’ll have fun.
Bring the Fun
Finally, remember to maintain a positive attitude. They’ll need you to be an escape from the glumness of everyday life, so put on your best smile, find all the enthusiasm you can muster, and set about being a force for good in your friend’s life.
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