Divorce can be incredibly tough for everyone involved. But, for children, it’s an exceptionally difficult time. They will suffer confusion, might feel it’s their fault, and will often find show symptoms of stress.
I’ve covered divorce before on my blog, but today, I wanted to shine a light on how it feels for the kids – and how parents can make it work. There are no guarantees, of course, and it might take a long time to establish a better environment. But you have to keep working towards the best solution for your children – and here are a few ideas on how to do it.
Use lawyers
Divorce is messy, and it affects everything. Don’t underestimate how quickly things can change as time passes by. Even if your divorce is straightforward and amicable – which it rarely is – there is an overwhelming amount of things to arrange.
Finances, custody, work factors, alimony arrangements – the list is exhausting. And because each of them can cause a lot of heartache and pain, it’s always best to establish some legal ground rules that you can all work within. According to http://rokolaw.com/, it is vital to hire a law firm that will solve your problems, rather than create more of them.
An aggressive attorney might bring you everything you need from the divorce, but what you want may not be what your kids want. Working together – somehow – is the best solution, and the right legal team can help you achieve some balance.
Reassurance
Kids often feel like they are at fault when a marriage breaks down. It is critical that you let them know it is nothing to do with them and reassure them otherwise. Don’t allow your feelings to overshadow theirs – and never use them as a pawn or a messenger, or ask them to take sides.
You might have profoundly negative feelings towards their mother or father, but it is unfair to expect the same of them. According to http://www.amhc.org/, it’s also important to keep your emotions in check. Of course, it’s OK to show you are sad or upset, but there are limits when your children are around. If you fly into rages or get highly emotional, it can be disturbing for your kids.
Respect
No matter what you feel about your ex-partner, it is critical that you talk about them with a level of respect. It might be tough – but you will have to bite the bullet on this.
There are exceptions – if your ex-partner is responsible for any abuse of a domestic or sexual nature, for example. But in general, you should always respect your children’s position. Sure, they are young, but they have a right to establish their own feelings.
Look after yourself
Finally, make sure you take care of yourself as much as possible. Divorce can be an incredibly emotional time, but you still have parental responsibilities.
You simply cannot care for your children properly if you aren’t looking after yourself. Put aside some time each week to do fun things, and get help during your darker days. The bad times will pass – but it mightn’t be for some time.
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