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It’s never a good feeling to admit when you have failed at something, especially a marriage. Divorce is on the increase now, and almost 50% of marriages in the United States end up in divorce. So what are the main contributors to divorce, and what can you do to help save your marriage?
The Wrong Reasons
Sometimes these problems can be there right from the start, but some things get in the way, and you end up going along with it. Some people have just saved money for their dream home, or they have already spent money on the wedding, circumstances like these can take priority for a lot of people over their own happiness. If you are at this point, maybe you should ask yourself what you really want. Because if you have got into this marriage for the wrong reasons, and have gone along with it merely for convenience, what does this say about you? Have you considered yourself to be an easy going person, or have you been enveloped by circumstance? Now might be the time to assert yourself.
Forgetting You’re A Couple
You may have found yourselves in a relationship of convenience for many reasons, one being that you had children together, so marriage was seen as the next logical step, but as your children grow up and require less attention and care, you may find that you and your partner have little in common now. If you really feel that you’ve both gone your separate ways, it can be dangerous to stay together for the sake of maintaining a family unit. If you are both in agreement, then divorce might be the most sensible option for you. And divorce doesn’t have to be a difficult process, especially if you’ve both are in agreement, a site like http://www.wolfeandstec.com/family-law-attorneys/divorce/ shows the options for divorcing couples, and mediation is one of them. This is where you can resolve your issues with a neutral third party to minimize conflict. However if you are both in agreement that you should go your separate ways, it makes for a less stressful divorce process. And if you have children, you want to make it as painless as possible for them so it would be in your best interests to handle this like adults.
Expectations Not Being Met
It is something that happens in almost in every relationship if someone isn’t happy, they feel they are supposed to force the other person to change so they can feel happy again. And this can be done in the form of being passive aggressive, nagging, threats, and criticizing the partner. If both of you are doing this, it’s not going to end well. So if you are the culprit in this, and you are constantly criticizing the other person, you may not even notice that you are doing it. And it may build to a point where arguments become commonplace. It’s at this point you need to think about what you really want in life, and is your partner giving you what you need on an emotional level? Feeling emotionally unfulfilled isn’t always down to the other person, it can be due to a sense of unfulfillment in yourself. Was this what you really wanted in the first place? And you need to ask yourself if you are setting realistic expectations. An article on http://www.chopra.com/articles/life-expectations-are-you-where-you-thought-you-would-be/ asks some interesting questions on your life expectations, and if you measure it externally. If someone grew up in the so-called “perfect” family with parents who loved each other, and they end up in a marriage that isn’t perfect, this may be a steep learning curve.
Being Codependent
When you’re in a codependent relationship, it’s not healthy. It’s very stifling for couples to not express themselves outside of their relationships. It can show up in the signs of you feeling uncomfortable doing things without your significant other, or you may not remember exactly what type of things you used to like. If you see yourself now as a completely different person to who you were back then, it can be a positive change, but if you feel like this change is so much that you’ve lost a sense of who you are, it’s time to start regaining this. You can, very simply, just look back on your life and start to reacquaint yourself with things that you haven’t done in what seems like forever. If you feel like you are drowning in your marriage because of this lack of identity, this is something that can be altered so the balance can be evened out.
Sometimes life has plans for us, and while divorce can be a declaration of a failed marriage, it could also be seen as a new start. These four reasons are as important as other more commonly known reasons, such as infidelity. So have a think about these and if they are contributing to your unhappy marriage.
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